Sino Ba Ako?

Bilang katatapos pa lamang ng Chinese New Year, aking pinagnilayan ang mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa aking pagkatao - bilang isang Chinese-Filipino. Aking sinubukang hanapin ang mga pagkakatulad at pagkakaiba ng mga Tsino at Pilipino at kung nasaan ang posisyon ko bilang isang Chinoy.

Napapanahon ang paglalagom na ito sa sarili sapagkat naiipit ang mga katulad kong half-bred, o mga Chinese-Filipino sa masasabing tensyon ng dalawang lahi, bunga na rin ng paggigiit ng Tsina ng kanyang pagmamay-ari sa Spratlys Islands at Panatag Shoal. 

Ang blog na ito'y naglalayong mailahad at makilala ko ang aking tunay na pagkatao. Ang mga sumusunod ay ang mga kuro-kurong nabuo sa magkahalong repleksiyon sa sarili at diskurso kasama ng mga iba pang Chinoy na kaibigan.

I. Respeto at Impluwensiya

Ang mga Tsino ay kilala sa pagiging magalang sa kanilang mga nakatatanda at mga ninuno. Sa aking palagay, bagaman maaaring ako'y nagkakamali lamang, repleksiyon marahil ito ng ilang siglong pagkakaroon ng monarkiyang gobyerno ng bansang Tsina, kung saan matinding pagpupugay ang ibinibigay sa mga hari't dugong bughaw. At karimihan sa mga maiimpluwensiyang tao sa kanilang lipunan ng mga panahon na iyon ay ang mga matatandang ministro ng palasyo. Naging magalang sila dahil sa responsabilidad at takot sa maharlika.

Confucius
(larawan galing sa Google)

Isa pa sa naglalarong teoriya sa aking isipan ay ang malaking impluwensya ng Confucianism at Buddhism sa paraan ng pag-iisip ng mga Tsino. Nakaugat sa mga relihiyong ito ang pagpapanatili ng balanse at respeto sa pagitan ng isang intilektuwal at ordinaryong tao.(ie. estudyante at guro) Ayon na rin sa aming diskurso sa klase, ang lipunan at ang popular media ay nagtatakda ng mga nosyon ng karaniwan at sa pagkakatatag ng mga ito'y magkakaroon ng mga marhinalisado sa lipunan. Hindi ko tiyak kung ang mga kasulatan ni Confucius ay nabibilang ba sa kategorya ng tekstong popular o kritikong panitikan noong mga panahon na iyon. Ngunit ako'y mas panatag tanggaping ang mga itinuro ni Confucius ay mga panitikang bumasag sa mga nosyon ng kung ano ang normal sa lipunan ng monarkiyang Tsina. Maaaring binasag ni Confucius ang feudalismong kaharasang dala ng mga emperador, o kaya naman ay ang social schism sa pagitan ng mga daralita't mayayaman.

Kung ganoon nga ang nangyari, at nagtagumpay si Confucius na tibagin at baguhin ang nosyon ng lipunan, aking napagtanto na sa pagtibag na ito'y nagawa ni Confucius na magtatag ng bagong norm. Sa madaling sabi'y ang panitikang bumabasag sa nosyon ng karaniwan ay sa huli nagiging karaniwan din. Bagaman ang pagkakatatag ng bagong karaniwan na ito'y mabuti para sa bayan, (nagkaroon ng matinding paggalang sa nakatatanda) naipapakita rito na ang panitikang nakapagtatag na ng bagong karaniwan ay maaaring maging paksa muli ng ibang teksto o ideya na naglalayong bumasag sa karaniwan.

Prayleng Kastila
(larawan galing sa Google)

Sa kabilang banda, ang mga Pilipino ay kilala rin sa pagiging magalang hindi lamang sa kanilang mga nakatatanda at mga ninuno kundi pati na rin sa kanilang kapuwa. (Ganoon pa rin nga ba hanggang ngayon?) Ang ganitong ugali ng mg Pilipino, sa aking palagay, ay bunsod ng mahigit tatlong daang taon ng kolonyal na pamumuno ng mga Kastila sa ating bansa. Ang mga prayleng ipinadala ng Espana noong panahon ng Reformation para ikalat ang Katolisismo ang responsable sa ganitong pagkahubog ng pagkatao ng mga Pilipino. Dala ng mga prayleng ito, kasama ng kanilang relihiyon, ang nosyon ng Kanluraning etika
at moralidad - marahil kasama na dito ang konsepto ng respeto. Ngunit, hindi ko ibig sabihin na ang mga Pilipinong naninirahan dito sa Pilipinas bago dumating ang mga Kastila ay mga walang modo. Ang nais kong sabihin ay dinala dito ng mga prayle ang maka-Kanluraning pag-iisip na maaaring may pagkakaiba sa kung ano ang mga orihinal na katangian ng pag-iisip ng mga sinaunang Pilipino.

Ang ilan sa dala-dalang kaugalian ng mga prayle ay ang pagmamano at pagbebeso, mga kaugalian ng pagpapakita ng respeto. Dala na rin marahil ng Katolikong relihiyon ang malalim na pagrespeto pati na sa patay, bunsod na rin ng nililikhang matinding konsepto ng ispirituwal na mundo ng nasabing relihiyon.  Binago ng mga kaugalian na ito kung paano makitungo ang mga Pilipino sa kanilang kapwa.

Saan ko ngayon ilulugar ang aking sarili? Sa puntong ito, palagay ko ang aking personalidad pati na rin ang buo kong pagkatao ay algamasyon ng mga potensiyal na mga impluwensiyang aking nabanggit kanina. Ibig sabihin ba nito'y napakamarespeto ko nang tao? Hindi. Dahil maraming bagay, bukod sa kung anong lahi ako gawa, ang humubog sa akin.

II. Wika at Kultura

Pinaglagom ko pa ang mga kuro-kurong ito sa pamamagitan ng pagkikipagdiskurso sa mga kaibigan kong Chinoy. Tinanong ko ang aking mga kaibigan kung ano sa tingin nila ang mga pagkakaiba ng dalawang lahi na may diin sa perspektibo ng isang Tsino na nakatira dito sa Pilipinas. Ito ang kinahinatnan ng aming pag-uusap:

Wika

• Mas may kakayanan ang mga Chinoy na makipagtalastasan at makipagugnayan gamit ang parehong wika sa parehong lahi. Bilingual advantage kung baga.
• Kalimitang nababarok o nauutal ang mga Chinoy sa kanilang pagsasalita ng Filipino, samantalang mas matatas naman sa pagbigkas ng Chinese. Sapagkat ayon sa kanila, mas malaki ang impluwensiya ng dugong Tsino sa mga Chinoy kaysa sa dugong Pilipino, kaya't mas sanay silang mag-Chinese.

Kultura

• Mas nakatuon sa pagnenegosyo't pagiging may-ari ang mga Tsino samantalang ang mga Pilipino raw ay kuntento na sa pagiging mga empleyado. Bagkus ang opiniyong ito'y masyadong ideyalistiko. Ang pahayag na ito ay nagtatangkang sundin ang  isteriyotipiko ng dalawang lahi, ngunit alam naman nating hindi ito ang realidad. 
• Mas talentado umano ang mga Chinoy sapagkat taglay nila ang pinagsamang galing at talino ng Tsino at Pinoy. Makikita ito sa larangan ng sining, siyensiya at pati na rin sa isports at palakasan, kung saan maraming Chinoy ang namamayagpag.

Kawayan (竹子)

Sinubukan kong patunayan sa aking sarili kung totoo ngang  may talento ang mga Chinoy sa  larangan ng sining. Ang larawang ito  ay aking ipininta para sa isang klaseng pangsining sa  Chinese  noong ako'y nasa mataas na paaralan pa lamang.

• Karaniwang galante raw ang mga Pinoy samantalang napakakuripot naman ng mga Tsino, at dahil dito ang mga Chinoy raw ay magagaling at marunong sa pera.

Sa diskursong iyon ay naipakitang maganda maging isang Chinoy. Patunay nga marahil ito sa palaging sinasabi sa akin ng aking nanay na kadalasan daw ang mga may halong ibang lahi sa kanilang dugo ay pinagpala't masuwerte. 

Dinala kami ng pag-uusap ng mga kaibigan ko sa isang (sa aking palagay) mahalagang punto. Ayon sa kaibigan kong si Jeremy, 

"Chinoys, as the word itself implies, are defined as Chinese having some Filipino blood (and vice-versa) or Chinese being born in the Philippines. With that being said, I wouldn't consider a pure Filipino being born in China or even Filipino-Chinese that don't practice even a tiny bit of either culture (including language) as 'Chinoys.' To make is simpler, I have specific criteria as to what constitutes Chinoys: 1) has Chinese blood and 2) practices both cultures."

Sa simula't simula pa lamang ay nakaligtaan ko nang bigyan ng konretong depinisyon sa aking repleksiyon ang Chinoy. Sa aking isip, walang klarong linya na nagtatakda  sa pagka-Pilipino, pagka-Tsino, o pagka-Chinoy. Pinoy kung Pinoy, Tsino kung Tsino, Chinoy kung Chinoy. Kung gayon, ano nga ba talaga ang mga pamantayan para matawag na isang Chinoy? Nasa dugo ba ang pagiging Chinoy? Sa lokasyon o bayang tinitirhan? Sa paggawa ng kinagisnang tradisyon? Sa kulturang mas pinapaburan? Hindi ko alam.

Ang tanging nagawa ko lamang ay magbigay ng mga katangiang tumutukoy sa pagiging Pilipino, Tsino at Chinoy. Hindi ko nagawang tuwirang sagutin ang mga tanong na: Sino't ano ang mga Chinoy? Hanggang sa puntong ito ay hindi pa rin ako nakararating sa isang sagot. Sana'y makapagpasiya na ako't nang magawa ko nang magnilay-nilay pa sa iba pang mga bagay.  

Para Sa Mga Depressed

Ayoko Na
 
Managinip habang mata'y 'di kumukurap.

Tumingin ng diretso sa hinaharap.

'Wag iiyak kahit ika'y bangkrap.

Manindigan hanggang maabot ang alapaap.

Ika'y nangarap - patuloy na mangarap.

-----------------------------------

Gutom. Pagod. Pera. Tao.

Ito'y malalakas na delubyo.

Kailanma'y 'di dapat patatalo,

kahit sa anino mo.

----------------------

Walang kayang humadlang

sa 'di pahaharang.

'Wag maging hunghang.
---------------------

Manampalataya ka.

Nariyan Siya.
---------------

Bangon.

May mga panahong tahimik at banayad ang buhay, tulad ng sa mata o gitna ng bagyo. Ika'y buong-buo - mapangahas at mapusok, kampante't kalmado - sa mga panahong nasa rurok ka ng tagumpay at kaginhawaan. 

Ngunit lahat ng tao'y daranas ng kasawian sa buhay. Lahat tayo, binabayo ng mga nagngangalit na problema. Babayuhin hanggang sa lumagapak sa lupa, mas durog pa sa pinong buhangin. Sa kawalan ng pag-asa, wala ka nang ibang masasambit kung hindi, "Ayoko na."

Sa huli, makikita mo ang taas ng pinagbagsakan. Mapagtatanto mo ang mga nakaraang karanasan na humubog sa iyong pagkatao at tumulong na iluklok ka sa pedestal ng tagumpay.

 Katuwang ang matinding pananalig ay manunumbalik ang tiwala sa sarili't kumpiyansang makaahon mula sa burak ng kasawian. Babangon kang muli. Mangangarap kang muli.

"Travel Documentary" Project for FLC class

As part of one of the Chinese FLC (Foreign Language Core) classes in the Ateneo, we were given a project/ task to create our own travel documentary  to showcase the different scenic spots in the Philippines.

All I can say is that this is one hell of a hassle and tiring project (given our heavy workload as college students) but also a fun way to bond with group mates and friends. I remember clearly how I had to squeeze in the production of this project into my already tight schedule that runs for about a month - literally a hell month of pure acads and a series of tests as we call it.

But eventually my group managed to pull it off, and we even got in to the Top 10 shortlist of the Chinese Department's best travel video! (awww yeahh!) There are a lot of nice, wonderful videos out there in the field but I am proud to say that our work/video, win or lose, is a product of our sweat and blood.

I may be ashamed of myself for being in the video and actually acting like a retard, but hey, give me the credit for trying and  braving the walk of fame that is sure to ensue once the video goes viral (in our campus or networks at the least).

Here's the finished product!

Top 5 Things To Do When Bored

All of us do get bored. Right? Everyone comes to a point in their life when they have nothing to do at all! A time wherein Facebook and Twitter just won't suffice to kill boredom. So what to do?? Here are some things to do when you're bored.

1. Write a Blog.  Writing a blog is awesome. It not only kills boredom, but it also helps you to develop your writing skills! And guess what? you can earn through blogs! Though you have to be of legitimate age to have a Google Adsense account. 

2.  Visit Sites. The Internet is full of wonderful sites to help you kill boredom! All you have to do is be vigilant enough to look for that wonderful site.  Stumbleupon is great website where you can find picture, videos and web pages that will surely spark your interest. Another great site is Tumblr , here you can fin great pictures and stuff that get you hooked for hours!  If you want to have a good laugh on how people are spending their days, why not try My Life Is Average, much like Twitter where you post feeds about what you did during the day, but the difference is what you post are funny and mostly random and retarded feeds.

3.  Play Games.  If your not into MMORPGs then why not try free online games that will help alleviate your boredom? Bored.com  is a great site full of addicting games that can keep you occupied for hours. 

4. Movie Marathon.  Bring out your DvD collection and start watching movies that you love! This will indeed kill the time as movies generally have an average of 1 hr and 30 mins. running time. To make it more fun, invite your friends over and have a sleepover! This will make it even more special. 

5.  Exercise. Bored? Then might as well exercise and keep those big buns shaking! When you've got nothing else to do, then why not exercise and keep your body fit. This way you won't just sit around the house and be a couch potato. Enroll in a gym and have a trainer turn you into an Adonis. But if you don't wanna spend cash on gyms, then do it yourself at home. Start an exercise routine that you can do everyday. Workout Box is a great site where you can find exercise routines that fit your lifestyle. 

These are the things I do when I get bored, and it really do alleviate boredom if not kill it. Holidays and vacation breaks are the times when people usually become bored, so keeping yourself busy even during breaks will surely help you not to be bored. 

Theo Alert! Dreaming and Faithing: The Uzumaki Way

Delighted to see my first ever Theology paper in Ateneo receive an A+. It's not much of an awesome paper, but yeah, publishing it anyway :3 Enjoy! 

Dreaming and Faithing: The Uzumaki Way

Perhaps one of the most well-known anime characters of this generation, Uzumaki Naruto has certainly touched the lives – if not influence – of many people, including me. Since its debut on October 3, 2002, the anime has not lost momentum and quickly gained remarkable fame. Why the success and huge fan base? I believe that aside from the wonderful storyline, Naruto’s character itself is the reason. It has revolutionized the definition of dreaming ‒ dreaming the Uzumaki Way.

            Imagine being an orphan with no relatives. What’s worse is that everyone in town hates you. Just because. Naruto’s life has never been easy to begin with, yet he has a dream, a noble dream born out of thirst for affection. Nobody wanted to, for lack of a better term, have a relationship with him, and he found this peculiar. Why? Isn’t he just like any kid who wanted attention? Why is he treated like he was nonhuman?¹ Though this may be partly true because of the Demon Fox inside of him, the fact remains that he is human. He deserved as much as they did. ² The only way Naruto knew on how people would accept him is to become a ninja, specifically the most powerful one, a Kage. He did not just think of the dream, he pursued the dream.

            Like many of us who work hard for that one lifelong dream, Naruto took the necessary steps to fulfil his dream. He pursued the path to becoming Hokage and made it his vocation. But he did not fully understand what he ought to do, yet he still went for it. He understood things by doing it. He did before he heard.³ Though it may sound like what a muscle-brain would do; it is but natural for us to want to know the risks before we take action. We make sure that there is no repercussion.⁴ Nonetheless Naruto did it because he had faith ‒ Faith in his teammates and friends, in his sensei, in himself, in the eternal Thou.⁵ He not only believed by faith but acted on faith to reach his dream.

            “Dreaming is an uphill battle, sometimes you’re gonna have to lose”

            Naruto faced a lot of trials along the way but these did not stop him. There’s his psycho frenemy Sasuke and the Akatsuki, who’s after his head. He refused to settle for anything less than his dream despite these hindrances. He kept his dream alive. Perhaps one of the hardest trials Naruto faced was his fight with Nagato a.k.a. Pain, wherein he lost his mentor. Many of his fellowmen also died in the siege of the 6 Pains. Naruto witnessed the same unexplainable atrocities done by man to each other which he experienced before, even worse. The question remained: Why? Like how the Israelites lost meaning in life during the Babylonian exile⁶, Konohagakure’s complete destruction meant Naruto’s loss of meaning in life. To become the Hokage is all he ever wanted to accomplish, and with Pain wrecking havoc in the town and its people, Naruto is left with nothing. But what transpired in Pain and Naruto’s face off showcased his determination more than anything else.

It is important to note that Naruto’s dream began to unconsciously transcend to more than just becoming Hokage, but a call to true greatness. We slowly see the shift in Naruto’s place in society from one who is hated, feared and disregarded, to a hero who is loved, admired and respected.

             Your dreams create you. The individual choices you make in every step you take to your dream define your transcendental choice which involves your totality – your humanness.⁷ Naruto grew together with his dream. He grew stronger and more passionate in his chosen vocation. But what made it possible?  It is because of his faith. Naruto is reaping tenfold what he has sown in faith. It was a result of his faithing.⁸

            It is interesting to note that Jiraiya, the gutsy old pervert and Naruto’s sensei, played a vital role on moulding Naruto’s dream. Of all the “banal voices” ⁹ that surrounded him like Kakashi, Iruka, and most especially the people of Konoha, Naruto chose to heed the “call” of Jiraiya. And it turned out to be the right choice. Jiraiya has moulded Naruto’s perspective on how things should be ‒ on the ways of being a ninja – and in doing so moulded Naruto’s lifelong dream. Jiraiya’s words implied that Naruto was not meant to be Hokage, or to be just a Hokage. He suggests that Naruto is meant for something more than that, something greater¹⁰. What it is I don’t know. But what I do know is that it is very apparent Naruto has attained glory and honor more than that of a Kage just by stopping Pain alone. In short, his great dream has been achieved, yet there is an even greater dream for him.

In most, if not all of Naruto’s battles, we see his intrinsic ability to “connect” with people around him, either with his enemy or perhaps the people of a town. This, I believe, could be Naruto’s true greatness, his true vocation¹¹. It is the vocation to touch lives and to bring peace, at least in a fictional sense. And so far, he is doing a good job of sharing and spreading this greatness ‒‒ this greater dream, not only in the fictional world of the ninjas, but also in the real world. As much as faith is a gift from the eternal Thou, faith must be shared.¹²  

Naruto inspired people not to dream, but to dream big, bigger than what we are right now. He pursued this dream by doing, and kept it alive by faith. Not only did he grow with his dream, but he actually became the dream.  Naruto listened to his mentor’s call and heeded it. He did not choose his vocation rather the vocation chose him.  Naruto initially believed in a dream bigger than him, but then he was a called to an even greater dream. This is the Uzumaki way. 

~Vision is not enough. It must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs.~  -Vaclav Havel

~I am called to a dream greater than myself, and I will not dream anything less~  -Anon

  ¹ Cf.  Veling, “Ecce Homo” The Human Person: Holy and Like No Other. 1.

  ² Ibid., 2.

  ³ See. Veling, “We Will Do and We Will Hear.”

  ⁴ Ibid., 3.

  ⁵ Ibid., 4.

                  ⁶ Badion, Justin. Handout #3: “The Mythical Imagination.” 4.

                  ⁷ Badion, Justin. Handout #2: “Fundamental Theology: Revelation, Faith, and Sources.” 11.

 ⁸ Cf. Ibid., 8. ⁹ Buechner, Frederick. The Calling of Voices

¹⁰Cf. Ibid., 3.

¹¹ Ibid.

                ¹² Badion. Handout #2: “Fundamental Theology: Revelation, Faith, and Sources.” 13.

College blues

First day of sophomore year here in the Ateneo! I can't say that I'm stoked for another hell of a year but oh well, at least I get to study instead of bumming out at home doing absolutely nothing but sh*t. Seriously.

I should be calm and optimistic about today but I can't help but still feel that butterflies swirling around in my stomach. What the hell right? I'm like officially a soph now and i still feel blues? ugh. This post is actually turning to a rant post. Haha!

On another note, the InfoSys section of the library is packed! Take note that it's just 8 am! People are really excited huh? Everyone pretty much came to school early for their first day.

Gotta go to class.

Writer out.

10 Things I Know To Be True

In my 17 years of existence in this revolving sphere called Earth, I have learned this these things to be absolute truth:

• The feeling of getting turned down by the person you like really hurts
• Life is unfair
• Everything boils down to money, money, and money
• Whether we like it or not, we lie about everything
• Parents are not always right. 
• This world is full of jerks, assholes, etc. You name it, we have it.
• "How can something so bad feel so good."
• We are all attention whores
• Changing a habit....can never happen
• John Mayer is the best guitarist of this generation